What do you think is lovely? Do you have a preferred color, style, or motif? What is your definition of beauty? That’s a lot of questions, but they’re important ones. Finding what makes you feel beautiful and defining your own beauty is an important part of feeling confident in your own skin and in who you are.
We can get so caught up in our daily lives that we lose sight of what we consider to be beautiful. We are bombarded with external messages and opinions, and we forget to check in with ourselves about what we truly believe is beautiful – both inside and out. This can have a wide range of consequences for us.
Consider how not knowing what you prefer can undermine your confidence:
You lack self-assurance- Following trends or the opinions of others can lead to a lack of your own. This not only undermines your confidence, but it also makes you appear unattractive. People are drawn to people who have a distinct style and set of beliefs. They want to connect, and they can do so best when they can see who you are and what you stand for. Ambiguity is a bad place to be.
You forefit what you enjoy in order to serve others- Having a servant’s heart is a noble trait. There is a distinction to be made between being of service and becoming a doormat. Not knowing your definitions of beauty and what makes you feel amazing can lead to you adopting trends and looks that aren’t right for you. In the eyes of others, you may appear and perform admirably, but in your own, you are hollow. That’s not a secure position to be in.
You may become a martyr- Setting aside your opinions for the sake of the ‘team’ can lead to martyrdom over time. This is the exact opposite of where you want to be. Being a martyr is not a noble Biblical position. It is the passive-aggressive space into which people fall when they have given up their dreams and preferences in order to appease others. When done with a great deal of resentment and anger, this can destroy relationships, cause depression, and a slew of other unintended consequences.
You can define and own what you think is beautiful, regardless of whether or not it fits with anyone else’s ideas. That’s the thing about beauty: it only has to be beautiful to you, the beholder.
If you’re having trouble owning your own definition of beauty, consider the following:
Was there ever a time when you were mocked for doing something you enjoyed?
As a child, was a significant other overly controlling of your clothing or other choices?
What messages did you receive as a child about the music, books, clothing, or decorating styles you liked?
If these questions bring back specific memories of someone squelching your personal preferences, you may need some healing to get back to the place where you can own your own ideals. Never fear… it is entirely possible.
If you find yourself being swayed by outside opinions and losing sight of your own sense of beauty, simply begin to notice what you prefer. Pay attention to what you like and begin to keep track of what you find attractive or appealing. The next time you need to buy something or get dressed up, try to imitate or express yourself in this new way. It may feel really awkward at first, but the more you lean into your heart’s desires, the better you’ll feel and the more confident you’ll be.
